Saturday, March 7, 2009

Baby's Got Fat

Imagine Gweneth Paltrow and Jack Black sitting at a restaurant. Gweneth orders from the menu, and once her food is delivered begins feasting by unhinging her jaw and piling in enough food to feed three grown men. We're talking food, major food. Jack Black stares at her in awe not knowing that he is seeing a thin Gwen and not the massively obese Gwen. He's been rewired by some sort of hypnotist into seeing "inner" beauty, but on the outside. So instead of seeing Gwen in a fat suit, he sees her as the skinny chic, but one that puts away massive amounts of food. Food. Lots and lots and lots of food. Hrmmm...

Truthful confession number one:

Please, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Alex. I'm fat. And I have never, in my whole entire LIFE, eaten even half of what Hollywood implies fat people eat. I have never eaten a triple cheeseburger, fries, pies, ice cream, and my date's leftovers when taken out to dinner. Hell, I can't even remember the last time I ordered dessert. Hollywood has projected the image that all fat people eat massive amounts of food, smear food across there faces when eating, and shove anything resembling food into their mouths proving nothing and no one is safe at the dinner table. All this for a bucket of laughs.

Seriously?

Yes, I'm sure there are people who gorge, pig, shove, and tunnel through food like there was no tomorrow. I saw the Oprah show that had video of the 500 plus pound guy who could put away several chickens at one meal. However, this is not the norm. Sometimes fat people are just fat because they are fat. Period. I'm fat because I had five kids, and I am laaazzzzy. I'll be honest with you. After getting up at 5:30 every morning, chasing, feeding, playing, and mom hooding with my three, three years and younger, children, I'm too tired and lazy to do the thirty minute work out it takes to burn off my three and two year old's left over fish sticks. I dunwanna, and I pay for it by putting on some package. Baby, FedEx has nothing on my packing materials.

I don't know. Movies like Shallow Hal really piss me off. Yay for the fat chick because at the end her guy can love her even though he can finally see her for the fat chick that she is. We should all get warm fuzzies because the fat chick is happy. Phew, I almost sound bitter...but really...I'm not. I'm just annoyed. I really should be taking a brisk afternoon walk while my perfect children nap.

Maybe tomorrow.

Baby's got fat.

11 comments:

  1. I totally agree with you with the misconceptions. I wondered how people felt about Shallow Hal because I thought it was mean personally. I'm the reverse. I don't gain weight. People think I starve myself when that is so not the case. I just can't gain weight. Several doctors say it is just how I am. I get stared at, called names, ridiculed, belittled and talked about behind my back by adults and kids my kids go to school with. And my kids get the same. They actually do look like the pictures of models that people say no one looks like. I usually make friends easier with heavier women because I feel the same only in reverse. So called "Normal" people have to slam people to feel good. I don't. It is so weird how things happen. I'm glad I happened onto your post. I agree!!!

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  2. Thanks for the post! It made my day.

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  3. I know why I have put on the pounds .. LOL But really you are right .I do not believe there should be a norm .In fact who said there was ..Hollywood ???? If she is too thin ,I am to heavy who told us that !!Hollywood - why do we believe them ? We should all be people all shapes, sizes ,colors ....just people . I need to learn to love myself ..I guess . But still you are right . You go girl !

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  4. Learning to love yourself can be a hard thing to do, no matter what the size. :sigh:

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  5. Key Lime pie helps ? Right (giggle)

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  6. well said...thanks for popping over to my site today...are you sure you don't wanna sign up for the K9 class? :)

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  7. Very well said. I remember being really surprised at this movie when I saw it.

    I've gained back 10 of the 15 pounds I've lost. I've wondered what I would have to obsess about if I was skinny.

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  8. I totally agree these super celeb moms sproting bikinis tick me off! I mean really after all real moms don't have trainers cooks and nannys.

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  9. Not bitter....you are pretty accurate in your observation.

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  10. lol! you sound like me in my "27 dresses" blog!

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  11. hahaha! I know - my brothers-in-law all weigh over 300 (one over 400) pounds and none of them eat THAT much. They eat, believe me they eat, but an entire table's worth of food is just ridiculous.

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