Do You Kiss Your Momma With That Mouth?

Last minute grocery shopping seems to be a hobby of mine. It never fails that when it comes time to planning, arranging, chopping, and dicing supper, I need some key ingredient. Friday's meal was no different, so off to the grocers I went.

I think Friday's theme for me was casual. I was casually dressed in Capri style jeans and a short-sleeved, black turtle neck. My hair was casually held in a black pony tail. The vehicle I drove to the grocer's was an adorable, but casually styled black Amigo, and my money was stuffed into my pocket as I casually strode across the parking lot headed towards the door that led into the grocers. Yes, and the young man at the estimated age of 17-18 years just casually, with a smile on his face, gave me the finger.

Oh no he didn'!

Oh yes, he did.

And it wasn't a quick flash of that middle finger. It was a long, drawn-out, swiped across the air like a grand gesture middle finger. No, it wasn't the digging in your nose accidental flip off. He was really flipping me off. AND grinning while he did it. Well, let me tell you...he picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue. Although Friday's theme was casual, I was still stewing over a "conversation" I had with Miss. Saucy Pants Teenager, and let me tell you, my stew not only had meat and potatoes, it had carrots, onions, AND garlic. So, when Mr. I'm Going to Flip You Off, flipped me off, I was pissed off.

Anyway, I casually followed Mr. Flip Off into the grocer, and while he waited in line to cash his check I tapped his shoulder.

Tap, tap. "Excuse me? Mr. Flip Off?" smiling like a casual shopper smiles.

"Yes?" Turning with a small smile sealed to his face.

"Did you just flip me off" Questioned the casual shopper.

"No," laughed Mr. Flip Off, "I was flippin off one of my friends."

"Ah," commented casual shopper, "well, next time make sure I'm not standing in between your friend and your flip off, because frankly, I was in direct line of sight of your flip off."

"No,' exclaims Mr. Flip Off. "It was at my cousin." He turns away and mutters, "God damn."

Smiling casually, "No, I don't think God had anything to do with it.

Don't even think Mr. Flip Off even said that he was sorry. Would I have been appeased by an apology? And what made him bring God into it? What did God have to do with it anyway?

Could this have been a result of extremely bad manners, poor upbringing, following the example set by peers, or just general teenage male behavior? I know that when I was his age, the fear of my momma finding out I had done something like that in public, much less use the "G.D." word, would have been enough to keep my middle finger in place, where it belonged. And let me tell you, she would have found out before I would have made it back out of the grocer's door. Not only would she have found out, but I would have more than likely been smacked a good one by the receiver of my finger.

It amazes me how society has changed. And frankly, I can hear some of you muttering in the background saying, "Shee, that ain't nothin. You need to come to my neighborhood." And you know, you're probably right. In an age where young girls roam the street wearing shorts that look like underwear, guys listen to songs that brag about rape (yes, someone was blaring these very lyrics from his car stereo letting the whole parking lot listen how he likes to rape his bitch and then get his game on), and the list goes on...I can't even begin to describe, and you probably already know more than even I know, our teens are getting educated. Whether you home school or public school, they are still being exposed to all of that "crap." And I know, I know, you've got to teach your children well. OH, and I am, trust me. IF my littles ever...and I mean..EVER behaved in such a manner and EYE found out, there would be more than hell to pay.

But I'm no fool. I've been a public educator long enough to know that there are good families that teach good behaviors and end up with good kids...and sometimes they don't. There are "bad" families, that don't teach any expected behaviors, and end up with "bad" kids...and sometimes they don't. Sometimes its luck of the draw...sometimes its what is taught at home...sometimes its do what I say not what I do...sometimes it's just throw it all in the pot and hope you get soup.

All I know is that that kid on Friday REALLY pissed me off.

Baby's Got Fat

Imagine Gweneth Paltrow and Jack Black sitting at a restaurant. Gweneth orders from the menu, and once her food is delivered begins feasting by unhinging her jaw and piling in enough food to feed three grown men. We're talking food, major food. Jack Black stares at her in awe not knowing that he is seeing a thin Gwen and not the massively obese Gwen. He's been rewired by some sort of hypnotist into seeing "inner" beauty, but on the outside. So instead of seeing Gwen in a fat suit, he sees her as the skinny chic, but one that puts away massive amounts of food. Food. Lots and lots and lots of food. Hrmmm...

Truthful confession number one:

Please, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Alex. I'm fat. And I have never, in my whole entire LIFE, eaten even half of what Hollywood implies fat people eat. I have never eaten a triple cheeseburger, fries, pies, ice cream, and my date's leftovers when taken out to dinner. Hell, I can't even remember the last time I ordered dessert. Hollywood has projected the image that all fat people eat massive amounts of food, smear food across there faces when eating, and shove anything resembling food into their mouths proving nothing and no one is safe at the dinner table. All this for a bucket of laughs.

Seriously?

Yes, I'm sure there are people who gorge, pig, shove, and tunnel through food like there was no tomorrow. I saw the Oprah show that had video of the 500 plus pound guy who could put away several chickens at one meal. However, this is not the norm. Sometimes fat people are just fat because they are fat. Period. I'm fat because I had five kids, and I am laaazzzzy. I'll be honest with you. After getting up at 5:30 every morning, chasing, feeding, playing, and mom hooding with my three, three years and younger, children, I'm too tired and lazy to do the thirty minute work out it takes to burn off my three and two year old's left over fish sticks. I dunwanna, and I pay for it by putting on some package. Baby, FedEx has nothing on my packing materials.

I don't know. Movies like Shallow Hal really piss me off. Yay for the fat chick because at the end her guy can love her even though he can finally see her for the fat chick that she is. We should all get warm fuzzies because the fat chick is happy. Phew, I almost sound bitter...but really...I'm not. I'm just annoyed. I really should be taking a brisk afternoon walk while my perfect children nap.

Maybe tomorrow.

Baby's got fat.