Last week I made a momentous decision to visit the physician. Unfortunately, it wasn't Leonard McCoy (yes, I know, deForest Kelly is dead...he's dead, Jim), instead it was Fadi Abou Issa. He's wonderful. He's extraordinary. He's popular so I ended up seeing his practitioner instead, who was not so shabby, I might add.
Blood pressure: check
Weight: WTF?!?!? (ignore)
Pulse: a little high
By the end of the visit, she tacked on a list of things to do: blood work, x-ray of lungs, MRI of the brain, this, that, and those.
Today was the day of my MRI. Have you ever experienced one of those? I had a very long time ago, but apparently I had forgotten what it was all about. Of all the cotton pickin things I've had to endure throughout my life, this had to be the most unpleasant. They ... made ... me ... take ...
Pregnant Pause
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...
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off my bra. Ladies, and the occasional gent, I am not Alex Gobraless. God didn't gift me with a huge set of maracas so that I can waltz into the MRI area and whip that sucker off so that them suckers could spring out. Nope. He suuuuurrrrreeee didn't. The MRI tech asked,
"Ma'am, you're going to have to remove your bra."
"Oh."
"You're not wearing a sports bra, are you?"
(looks down)
(giggles...laughs...snorts)
"Nope, not me."
Braless, I give new meaning to the words...ba dong ga dong (or whatever...I don't listen to country but the kids have sung it to me before).
So we stroll down the hall to the MRI machine. Let me say now, I'm so glad I'm not afeared of small spaces. That sure was small, paw paw. Well, I get into position.
"Ma'am? You'll need these ear plugs, it gets really loud in there."
"Thanks."
"Shove them in good. It's really loud in there."
"Okay." ::shove...shove::
Then I'm instructed to lie down on the small, extremely narrow (my butt was just about to do unbuttly things), MRI table thing. I place my head into this cup looking device, and then he places two cylindrical things over my ears.
Because it's really loud in there.
My arms are crossed over my belly, and as I'm sliding in he hands me a rubber ball.
"This is the panic button, ma'am. Squeeze it if you panic. I'll come running."
Huh? Panic? What?
"The test will take 20 minutes. Be really still because if you move, we'll have to do it again."
It. was. really. really. REALLY. . .
Loud.
As a matter of fact I felt like I was screening the music for "Flash Gordon: The Movie. Remember that one? Sung by Queen? He saved every one of us... Well...that is what it sounded like. Not only that. It would give me a series of little electric shocks beginning with my head, then shoulders, elbows, and leaving through my fingers. I almost hit the panic button because I was sure that my MRI machine was defective. It wasn't. I didn't panic, either.
Anyway, twenty minutes later, and after composing hundreds of posts, singing the lyrics to Flash Gordon, and taking small shallow breaths in order to keep my badonga dongs from moving too much (no way was I going to sit through another one of those suckers), my MRI was complete. A lovely new tech escorted me to the bra room where I reigned those suckers in, and I was on my merry way.
Test results pending.
I hope this was all for nothing.
The end.
I had an MRI once but it was years ago.....and I remember thinking it sounded like I was inside of a washing machine. But they didn't me any ear plugs. It wasn't THAT loud. I do believe the bra issue had to do with the metal in the hooks. Hence the question about the sportsbra...they are all fabric. I hope it was all for nothing, too.
ReplyDeleteLOL! hope it's all for nothing too. Kinda Describes how I felt at my first mamogram, only I was horrified at the fact that the more they pressed that puppy, the bigger it got :)
ReplyDeleteI, too, hope it was all for nothing. Barring that, I hope they figure out exactly what the problem is and are able to quickly and simply solve it.
ReplyDeleteFlash, Flash, I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!
Dude. Get a sports bra if there's a next time...
I hope it was all for nothing too. It sounds like you were very brave. I hate doing braless doctors visits. I so wanted to wear a bra while giving birth but it was a no go.
ReplyDeleteThey only gave you ear plugs? What a bummer. Every MRI I've had done, they gave me earphones and my choice of the type of music I'd like to hear. And, as is my norm, I fell asleep during each and everyone one of those darned MRIs and never got to finish listening to the music selection I had coming to me.
ReplyDeleteI hope the MRI was all for nothing as well. I've had one MRI and I AM claustrophobic, so it was your basic nightmare. A sports bra sounds like a wise investment.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure they'll look at the scan of your brain and find nothing.
ReplyDeleteHar har har.
Yep, I agree with HS...I always joke that they do those MRI's on my brain to make sure I still don't have one.
ReplyDeleteI have one of these things EVERY.SINGLE.YEAR. And I hate the braless thing. HATE.IT. 'Specially when the tech is cute.
And WTH? They never give me earplugs. EVER. Or a panic button. Buttlies!
Macey
Well, Savant, if there is nothing there to begin with, then I suppose there is nothing to find in the end =P.
ReplyDeleteThe panic button was acting like an arc for the electric shocks to jump between fingers. I was too afraid to move though, and have to start all over!
I'm hoping it was all for nothing as well. Caitie had an MRI at age 6, pre bra stage. They had us bring a CD and they gave her headphones for her to listen to her music, I think it was The Backstreet Boys. I was in the room with her, tech in the other room, and it was damn loud.
ReplyDeleteI'd be buying a sports bra if there is a round 2, good lord do they even make those in my size?
Haha cute post. And who cares if you had to go braless. Show your true colors and wear your, ahem, assets with pride!Stopping by from SITS to leave some thursday bloggy love!
ReplyDeleteI'm telling you Alex, you need to write a book! Or do stand up comedy. You make me belly laugh. And that's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteI trust the test will deliver the best results.
(((hugs)))
That was a very interesting post.
ReplyDeleteI shall now dread ever having to have this done!
Hope your results are fine!
Why an MRI?
ReplyDeleteIt's "badonkadonk" :) At least where I'm from.
Shawna's Study Abroad
So did the tech like your rack or no?
ReplyDelete(And of course, your results will be that everything is cool.)
xoxo
Hehe... I want to joke about the MRI finding nothing too!! But it is just not possible. Ya have to believe (except when you are joking, of course) that you have a brain, you only have to read you blog to know so!! I agree with Kathleen! You should write a book!!!
ReplyDeleteHow are you feeling these days?
You are hilarious!!!! Hahaha! I know I should be laughing at something serious like an MRI, but you sure put a whole new spin on it! Loved that you compiled 100 posts in your head, that's just like me!
ReplyDeleteOk, that so funny! But I feel your pain. I hate MRI's! I am so claustrophobic!!! I hope they find nothing!!!
ReplyDeleteOkay, so I've had an MRI and survived it, but what scares me is my upcoming, and very first EVER, mammogram. They'll have to stretch and maneuver these little things the like of which they have never before experienced. I'm pretty sure I'm going to need an ativan!!
ReplyDelete