Thursday, May 7, 2009

There's a Hole in the Bucket and It's Letting in Water

Before I start, I will answer the question swimming on the surface of your subconscious mind. No, I am not obsessing about death this week, I just happened to be playing around with a few what ifs on this bright, way too bright, sun shiny day, so bear, or bare, with me, it won't take long.

::aside:: Neil, from "The Young Ones," was my favorite favorite.

Death movies, you know, the ones where Character X finds out he is dying, only has a few weeks to live, health waning, spends last few weeks of life cramming everything he wants to do before dying. You know, movies like "The Bucket List." Great movie, awesome actors, same plot.

Doctor: "You're dying."

Patient: "No!"

Doctor: "Yes."

Patient: "Penelope, my love, let's get married, go bungee jumping over a crocodile infested river, sell all of my properties, and give the money to some undisclosed charity before I pass from this world."

Penelope: "Yes, lets!"

While there is nothing wrong with this theme, and it has generated lots of Hollywood Bucks, I think I'd rather be in the process of doing instead of having done when my time has come.

So, without further ado (loving the cliche' statements today), my hole in the bucket list otherwise known as "things I'd love to be doing when I kick it, not before I kick it, but as I kick it, you know, like being in the process of breathing my last breath, blinking my last blink, beating my last beat, burping."

1. Eating a 4 pound Godiva chocolate covered strawberry. I don't want to reach the stem, because then I'd be done. I want to be in the middle, or just beyond the middle, of the strawberry. You know, where the juice of the berry starts to dribble down your fingers making trails across your hand. Who cares if they will find my cold, lifeless corpse next to a half eaten 4 pound Godiva chocolate covered strawberry. Who cares about the snickers made by the all knowing paramedics that try to cram life back into me. It was well worth it. Trust me.

2. Listening to Vin Disel read "Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire," or any 1000 page plus book. I absolutely love Vin Disel's voice. Have you ever seen "The Chronicles of Riddick?" There is one line he says, corny, yes, I know, but oh my swooness, anyway, he says "It's been a long time since I've smelled beautiful." Ah, yes, it would probably be my own drool that would have done me in. Paramedics would have to get out their hip boots and wade in.

3. Smoking a cigarette. I quit years ago, but...but...but...but...but. The cool, sweet draw of a menthol cig filling my lungs with its intoxicating, delightful, swirls would be just divine.

4. Drinking a cosmopolitan. Pretending to be Carrie Bradshaw with big laughing teeth, and flirting with my gay waiter is a rare indulgence, but one I enjoy tremendously. My sisters and sisters-in-law would have to all be there. What's the point of drinking cosmos if no one else is there doing it with you?

5. Doing the nevermind. Yeah, right. Like none of you wouldn't put that down as an answer.


  1. Thankyou so much for your point of view, you make a great point and I totaly agree with you those are all great things. I saw your blog below and I must admit that like your husband I am a bit of a dooms day person. I have a book of nastridamus pradictions at my house , its all very intresting to me.

  2. I wouldn't mind going in any of those fashions. I'd like to add possibly just not waking up from the best 4 hour massage ever given with oils and zen music and a non-talking masseuse.

  3. Very clever thoughts! I'm definetly with you on #1 and #5! Makes you stop and think.....

  4. I like this train of thought, it's not really about death as much as it is the pleasures of life. I am totally with you on the strawberry and the drinking the Cosmo, while wearing terribly expensive foolish shoes and looking hip, and well #5, that ahem is quite the way to go!

  5. So... basically... I can take your Godiva strawberry when I pry it out of your cold, dead hands...?

  6. Good heavens, you made that strawberry of death - um - come to life!

    I wouldn't mind going out at a concert - if it wouldn't traumatize other people too much. Aerosmith would work.

    #5 is a given, but again, I worry about the trauma that might impose on the partner. Maybe it could be a mutual... But then I'd have to worry about the almost unspeakable trauma the folks who found THAT would have to deal with...

  7. Oh Gah, Tammy you made me almost pass gas I laughed so hard.

    Viv, you'd have a hell of a hard time with the prying. Go ahead. Try.

    Anita, it would probably be the shoes that would do me in. Those hellacious shoes!

    Brandy, I can add Vin Disel as the masseuse he can read and rub at the same time.

    Sheila, See the comment left for Viv.

    Wayne, it's always nice to have you stop by for a visit. Thanks!

  8. Oh, I am with you on ALL of those. But mostly the cigarette, actually. I was a menthol cigarette smoker too. Most of the time I rolled my own. It was really handy in high school when kids wanted to bum a smoke off me, I'd just have to say "menthol rollies" and that would turn them off. lol

    Great list!

  9. I wouldn't even know what was happening if I was drinking a cosmopolitan. I handle my alcohol about as well as a child, maybe even worse.

  10. I agree with #2. That line can make your toes tingle can't it? Heck combine #2 with #5 only without the book. ;)

  11. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't know if I do the nevermind. I'll opt for the chocolate berry. Yum.

  12. Girl, I think we need a chocolate fight club.

  13. I love the idea of "unbucket list"! What a great perspective. I like it! Eating dark chocolate defintitely! Wearing great shoes - a given! I think I'd want to be reading a great book as well. Maybe eating dark chocolate, while wearing an awesome pair of shoes, cuddled up in a cozy chair reading a great book in my cottage by the sea! Heaven!

  14. mmm... chocolate... :D Vin's voice is lovely, isn't it. :) Not a bad way to go, love your idea.

  15. I'd take the chocolate and the "nevermind" as well. Sounds like a good list to me.

  16. everytime i go to the mall in raliegh i get the exact strawberry you are mentioning,and although men are not my thing i couldn't wait to see the new fast and furious.i saw it the day it came out and his voice is sexually haunting!great ways to die i do say so myself

  17. Rhonda, I started smoking menthol so that people would stop bumming off of me!

    Smirking Cat, I'm a cheap date so to speak, as in one drink has me feeling more giddy than a circus clown. Trust me on that one, I don't drink often.

    Tink, it's the voice... Le Sigh.

    Ms. Savant, you reminded me of Adam Ant. What do ya do?

    Mama Geek, I am soooo there.

    Ms. Pam, if that would be heaven for you, then when you kicked it, you'd already be there, but would you know the difference? Hmmm...maybe that is the true meaning behind the post. If we're doing what makes us feel like we're in heaven at the time of the kicking, then when we all get to heaven, would we know it?

    Lalaa, great minds, great minds.

    K, I don't know if you've seen the movie "Arthur" but there is a scene where Arthur is getting busy with his lady love and she reaches over in the middle of it and eats a piece of chocolate. Would that be having your cake and eating it too?

    Anonymous, are you my sister? and if not, are you T? I just can't see T saying "sexually haunting." It haunts me =P

  18. That's a very original idea...."While i'm kicking the bucket" List! Love it!

  19. Happy Mother's day Alex ... This is wonderful ...

  20. ugh. why is it so fun to flirt with the gays? love em.

  21. Ms. Pirate chicky, and to you as well. I know you had an absolutely huge day.

    Bluntdelivery, I so enjoyed visiting your blog. How wise of you to know that the statement about hating women would cause a bunch of women to swing by your post and see what the hell you were talking about. As to fun with gay men and flirting, it's because we're safe to them and they are safe to us and that makes it a bar none event, no commitments needed from either side. Priceless.