There's a Hole in the Bucket and It's Letting in Water

Before I start, I will answer the question swimming on the surface of your subconscious mind. No, I am not obsessing about death this week, I just happened to be playing around with a few what ifs on this bright, way too bright, sun shiny day, so bear, or bare, with me, it won't take long.

::aside:: Neil, from "The Young Ones," was my favorite favorite.

Death movies, you know, the ones where Character X finds out he is dying, only has a few weeks to live, health waning, spends last few weeks of life cramming everything he wants to do before dying. You know, movies like "The Bucket List." Great movie, awesome actors, same plot.

Doctor: "You're dying."

Patient: "No!"

Doctor: "Yes."

Patient: "Penelope, my love, let's get married, go bungee jumping over a crocodile infested river, sell all of my properties, and give the money to some undisclosed charity before I pass from this world."

Penelope: "Yes, lets!"

While there is nothing wrong with this theme, and it has generated lots of Hollywood Bucks, I think I'd rather be in the process of doing instead of having done when my time has come.

So, without further ado (loving the cliche' statements today), my hole in the bucket list otherwise known as "things I'd love to be doing when I kick it, not before I kick it, but as I kick it, you know, like being in the process of breathing my last breath, blinking my last blink, beating my last beat, burping."


1. Eating a 4 pound Godiva chocolate covered strawberry. I don't want to reach the stem, because then I'd be done. I want to be in the middle, or just beyond the middle, of the strawberry. You know, where the juice of the berry starts to dribble down your fingers making trails across your hand. Who cares if they will find my cold, lifeless corpse next to a half eaten 4 pound Godiva chocolate covered strawberry. Who cares about the snickers made by the all knowing paramedics that try to cram life back into me. It was well worth it. Trust me.

2. Listening to Vin Disel read "Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire," or any 1000 page plus book. I absolutely love Vin Disel's voice. Have you ever seen "The Chronicles of Riddick?" There is one line he says, corny, yes, I know, but oh my swooness, anyway, he says "It's been a long time since I've smelled beautiful." Ah, yes, it would probably be my own drool that would have done me in. Paramedics would have to get out their hip boots and wade in.

3. Smoking a cigarette. I quit years ago, but...but...but...but...but. The cool, sweet draw of a menthol cig filling my lungs with its intoxicating, delightful, swirls would be just divine.

4. Drinking a cosmopolitan. Pretending to be Carrie Bradshaw with big laughing teeth, and flirting with my gay waiter is a rare indulgence, but one I enjoy tremendously. My sisters and sisters-in-law would have to all be there. What's the point of drinking cosmos if no one else is there doing it with you?

5. Doing the nevermind. Yeah, right. Like none of you wouldn't put that down as an answer.