Wednesday, May 6, 2009

That's Right, It Starts With An Earthquake

My husband is a history channel nut. He loves it. I like it. When we're eating dinner, usually hours after everyone else has downed theirs, I don't mind sitting with him and watching World War II documentaries, Vietnam Documentaries, and Younameit Documentaries. Honestly, I don't. History was, and still is, one of my favorite subjects. However, if you've watched the History Channel, you already know that it doesn't just focus on history. It tends to go on tangents that include what ifs and what nots like, oh, I don't know, SEVEN WAYS THE EARTH WILL COME TO ITS END.

Seriously, I hate doomsday programs. They always spook me out. I can remember being seven years old and hanging out in my granny's back yard with my older cousins. They loved spooking me out by telling me that God was going to end the world in the year 2000. That he was going to burn us all out, and that no one would survive. No one. Not even me or my mom and dad. Then they would chase me around the yard chanting: Burn! Burn! Burn! Yes, I was freaked out. I was so freaked out that when my school went to the planetarium for a field trip, I couldn't watch the ceiling show. It was about the big bang theory, something this little Catholic (at the time) girl was not educated on, something that my little pea-brain connected with, yes you guessed it, the end of the world. I freaked out so much that the teacher had to remove me from the room. Serious trauma.

Anyway, back to dinner and a movie. Let me provide a brief summary of this torturous affair.

Scene one: a solar boom, bloom, flower, flare? I don't remember. (scream! panic! run!) Solar flares happen all the time. The good news is that the nearest star letting out these solar farts is too far away to damage us. All but one, no, not our beloved Sol, but a star that is like a billion or so light years away. Apparently, if this guy lets one out, it will reach us, take out our protective atmospheric layers, and then radiate us to death. TO DEATH!

Scene two: A Black Hole: Well, Asimov and the rest of the Sci Fi gang have it all wrong. These things don't provide gates to some amazingly sophisticated universe, they just muck you up. The start sucking everything in. One scientist described it as conflicting gravitational forces. The earth is trying to hold on to you while the Black Hole is sucking you up. First your head goes, then your hands, your arms, your get the picture. He thinks that would be the coolest way to go. Uh Huh. Cool. Right.

Scene three: A volcanic eruption of cataclysmic sized proportion. Translation: A really big freakin volcano. Apparently, the volcanic ash produced by this here volcanic eruption would be large enough, and long enough to block out those warm, life bringing rays of the sun. Eventually, everything on earth would freeze. To Death. To Death. To Death. STOP. Somebody slap me!

Scene four: Machines will reach the point where their AI will reach the point that they will indeed become senient beings. And of course, machines, in their perfection, will take over the world. Ever watch terminator? The Matrix? I-ROBOT??? Nuff said.

I will stop now. For one, I can't remember enough on the others, World War III, the dying sun, who knows what else, because the panic I was experiencing at the time took over any rational brain processing I may have had at that time. Another reason is that I love you all, and wouldn't want to inflict any emotional pain on anyone I could call friend. No, I wouldn't do that.

Anyway, back to the future. So, here I was sitting in the living room, with the love of my life not one foot away from me, panicked, screaming silently, freaking out, shedding nervously, watching this program with feigned calm and serenity.

Pass the salt, please.


  1. oh you poor thing. I bet none of things happen and if they do it will probably be at least another 400 years so why worry?

  2. So I'm guessing "The Day After" was not your favorite movie ever?

  3. Actually, Tammy, it wasn't so bad. You see, I live in the South so we weren't in danger of freezing up like the north. If there is a place I can run to, it's okay.

    Brandy, it's in my nature to worry about the end of the world. I'm a born doomsayer.

  4. She is, trust me I've lived with her. I loved that movie Tammy, its one of my kids favs also hehe. But anywho, besides all that...I have enough to keep me occupied with today then worry about the end of the world. I get tired easy.

  5. I also get freaked about end of days stuff. And then I recently read something that planted a small seed at the back of my mind. Have you heard of Indigo children? Crystal or Star children? Well people that believe in such things (I'm still on the fence about these things)feel that these children are issuing in the new world. That they will help us with this shift/transition that is happening. So it is an end to the world as we know it but not the end of earth. Any comfort? Well I tried...=)

  6. It is scary stuff. I can block the space bit out, because I simply don't understand that much about it. WWIII and scary machines would freak me out as well though...

  7. My hubs loves all channels documentary. He once watched a 2 hour special on the History of Poop. (I am not kidding.) I am freaked by anything "the end of days" but I have to tell you, we just found the Military channel. I am addicted to "Hitler's Bodyguard". It is fascinating.

    However, I would not watch it at dinner time. Keep the salt, please pass the emesis basin. Thanks.

  8. Excellent viewing choice for a nice meal with your Mr.
    Has he seen "Thirteen"?

  9. Hiccups, shouldn't you be getting some water by now =P

    Ms. Tink. I've never heard of either Indigo or Star children. Sounds interesting, I'll have to give it a check.

    Laala, as long as I don't know what's coming and it hits me in the head like a ton of bricks, I'm just peachy keen.

    Ms V, I've seen Hitler's Bodyguard. We watch the Military Channel as well. I suppose it's not the typical dinner and a movie viewing typicals, but at our house, its either that or yo gabba gabba. Ever tried to keep a meal down while watching that? Forget the emesis basin and get a freakin sixty gallon water tub.

    Ms. Savant. yes, and no. We've watched Deadwood during this time as well. I must say I've got a stomach of iron and keep it well camoflauged (did I spell that right?).

  10. Ah ha touche big sister! As you well know these hiccups will get worse as your dear niece gets older...

  11. Contrair mo frair, I never had the hiccups and I'm thinkin that you are just using it as an exuse not to drink water!

    ah huh huh huh huh (evil french lafter)

  12. Is your husband related to mine? I can't count the number of dinners I've had watching B&W footage of some war or another. He especially likes submarine war movies. I've seen Red October and Das Boot more times than I can count.
    I remember in high school, there was a poem in my English text book written by a 16th Century witch...the last 2 lines of the poem said (I'll never in my life forget this)...
    "and to an end the world shall come, in 1981".
    That was about I spent the next 3 years freaking out. I can totally relate to your post, and loved the way you wrote about it.
    Great blog!

  13. Miss Lady Grey, first, thank you. This makes me remember the millinium thing. I was an internet chat room junkie about that time, living in the central time zone. I remember everyone freaking out about the virus or whatever that was suppose to destroy everyone's computer when the clock struck twelve.