My daughter is beautiful, intelligent, wise beyond her knowing, or even my knowing, and, I'm sure, just like the daughters of everyone of you out there...perfect.
Honestly? She can be a poot stain at times.
Persephone was born nineteen years ago to a 22 year old single white female. That's me. Her mom stayed single for at least ten to twelve years of her life (time passes by and I have no way of knowing just what age she was when I finally married). During that time, her mom scrimped, saved, placed her pride in the closet for later use, and taught her to become the beautiful perfect daughter she is today. Single mom style, I like to call it.
Now, almost TWENTY years later...drum roll please...
Yes, you guessed it, enter the sperm donor.
UGH. Yes, her mom knows she was young...she knows she was foolish...she knows she should woulda coulda but didn't all those years ago. The choices we make when we are young wouldn't be the choices we'd make when we become old. I know, I know. Her mom knows she picked the sperm donor. She thought she was in LOVE with the sperm donor. Of COURSE she was in love with the sperm donor (it sure as hell wasn't for the sex).
Anyway, here he comes (via Facebook of all things). She added him, he added her, blah blah blah.
Her mom is having the HARDEST time remaining neutral.
But she is pledging to remain neutral.
yeah
right
neutral.
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Oy. Sounds hard, my dear. Of course you can't always "feel" neutral, but you can "act" neutral, yes? You're a wise woman compassionate woman. Novelty, especially when you're a young perfect daughter, is pretty high up there on attractiveness. But novelty has a shelf life. Perfect (meaning breathtakingly, beautifully, delightfully imperfect) moms, however, endure, even if they appear to be just backdrop for the novelty at times. Gotcha in my my thoughts.
ReplyDeletethe hardest thing for a mom to do--remain neutral :D I'm glad to hear from you again.
ReplyDeleteAlex!!! I nearly fell off my chair when I saw a post from you. You've been missed.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that something so upsetting has brought you back to your blog, though. But I think Kathleen and Kaye have given you very good advice, just act neutral. Your daughter is smart enough to figure out the truth on her own. And she will do that much more quickly if you don't try to sway her opinion. She knows that you're the one who has been there, supporting and loving her, from day one. Be patient. She'll figure it out. {{hugs}}
OOO, My ex-husband left, never to be heard from since, when my daughter was 7 months old. We call him the sperm donor as well. My daughter is now 16 years old and I have thought many times, what would happen if he tried to contact her now. Remaining neutral is sure good advice BUT I don't know if I could do it. My daughter hasn't (that I know of) a desire to find the sperm donor, although she has said that when she turns 18, she will ask him for all the UNpaid child support that he owes!! I have to believe that she is smart enough to KNOW who was around and who wasn't!!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with this!!