Monday, November 2, 2009

To Everything Turn Turn Turn

My heart is big (almost the same size as my butt, actually). My heart is worn on my sleeve, it resides behind walls, it tears down walls, it's guarded, it's vulnerable, it's soft, it's hard, it breaks, it mends, it closes, it opens. I strongly believe that this is the case with just about every heart that beats.

Sometimes we are blinded.

Sometimes we are hurt.

Sometimes we are riding high.

Sometimes we just are.

Travis, as you all know, hurt my heart with his death. The part that holds his memory bleeds freely. And I thought it would never truly heal. Maybe I was wrong.

I have been using Travis.

He has been visiting my classroom, my students, my school, and me.

Last week our school's air conditioner was broken. Air conditioner? Yes, air conditioner. WE live in the south. It's still hot here. Really hot, and sometimes, unbearably hot. Due to the complete misery in the classroom, I took my classes outside for the teaching. And by the twisted fate of a broken air conditioner, I was able to share Travis's story with my class.

You see, we have a boy. I will call him boy. Not the best family, not the best situation, not the best choices available. He has two roads ahead of him. One filled with the same decisions his parents made. One that leads him to the same life he was brought up in. One that is easy for him to take because the way is already paved. Then there is the one that will be hardest. The one that forces him to break away from what he rise above all that he has known. Not an easy one. I was able to tell him the story of Travis. His struggle, his downfall, his rising from the ashes, and his ending. I told him of how even though claimed by death, he had become finally free.

As the words moved beyond my lips, I felt that I had lost all control over what I was actually saying. The story I was telling was ringing with power. I wish you could have heard it. There was true power there.

I think he heard.

I hope he heard.

My heart has started to heal.


  1. I hope he heard too. It is so hard for some of these kids. Some make the right decisions despite horrible cicrumstances...some don't. I hope Boy chooses the right turn!

  2. Not much to add to that but I wish there were more teachers like you.

  3. Thank God for people like you - to try and direct these kids in the right paths :)

  4. Oh Alex, you have such a beautiful heart and spirit! I pray this boy heard you........

  5. I'm sure the boy heard you and I'm pretty sure Travis was speaking through you to him. Thank God (Goddess, Buddha, or your deity of choice) you have a big butt if your heart is as big as it. Yeah I know what a strange blessing, huh?

  6. Damn, Alex, I think I felt the power from here...

  7. loved your post today--thank heavens for teachers that care.

  8. I don't know Travis' story, but reading what you wrote truly touched me.

    Thank you!

  9. I have to agree with the others - thank goodness for teachers like you Alex. I hope and pray that Boy chooses the "difficult" path. I hope he heard you.

  10. I agree with the above posts. I hope Lia has as beautiful and caring teacher as you one day. You really care and that shows. Your students are lucky.

  11. How insightful.
    Kudos to you for recognizing the value of a ripple.
    Keep on keeping on.

  12. Again, I just wanna hug you!!

    ((((BIG HUGS))))

    Btw, there's an award for you on my blog today.

  13. Hi Alex!

    Greetings from Casa Hice. I'm Alix too. Different spelling, but another girl who shares your cool boy name.

    Followed you over from Kathleen's and am so very glad I did. I was really taken by this post!, and although I don't know who Travis is, I intend to find out. You have intrigued me!

    Stop by Casa Hice sometime and have a look around. I'd love for us to get better acquainted!