I've been married not quite as long as many of you out there have been. I'm like Leo, a late bloomer, that is when I decide to even wear bloomers. Hate the damn things, always cutting off your circulation, and they are either too small or too large. Perfect isn't even in the vocabulary.
However, I'm not here to talk about bloomers or the lack thereof.
June will make my seven year anniversary. Feeling itchy yet? Let me tell you, if there were any itches to be found, I think it would have happened long before seven years. Why wait seven years to scratch an itch anyway? And if you're going to be itchy, why marry someone you're allergic to in the FIRST place?
Anyway, I lived my life in reverse, I suppose. I had my daughters, reared them as a single mom for ten plus years, and then met my husband. He fit in well, so we decided to keep him. We've been together for about 8 years or so, six of them as dearly beloveds. And while it has been quite a lovely trip for us all, we've had our share of speed bumps, pot holes, and hole in the walls (yes, throwing shoes and chairs across the room can often create holey results). Add three more offspring to the mix, stir and serve chilled over ice and there is my family. Love them. All of them.
A friend of mine went the complete opposite route. She went to college, married, created offspring, became employed, careered, and after 17 odd years...divorced. She's entering the world I left not so long ago. Dating, searching, dividing, and conquering. But the thing is, when you're originally single (completely...like no kids...no ex husband), the "world" is different. Your view on relationships is different. It is easier to date because you don't have that instant reflex of fidelity, commitment, relationship, stop screwing around with other people, kind of attitude. Your attitude on relationships is still on "marriage" mode because for the longest time that is what you had. Get it? It's hard getting back that "single" lifestyle. You probably don't even like the guy you're dating "that" much, but for the last ten to fifteen years, you've only been with one guy, so that is what you know.
Weird, isn't it, when you think about it.
Last week, Kathleen, over at Easy for Me, asked about the differences between solitude and loneliness. I think having that person with you for the longest time, sharing routines, responsibilities, and the bed suddenly up and get can leave you to the path of both. My friend, the one who left her marriage of upteen years, is experiencing both: the peace of solitude that comes from making a decision that was right for her family as well as her, and the loneliness of not having someone there to share with: the day, the night, the waking moments, and the sleeping moments.
So, here's to you, chicky. May you wake up between the sheets and say WTF, I'm cooler than that.
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I always love your posts. They are so well-written.
ReplyDeleteWho says that's backwards?
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's simply different.
One of my sisters live like that and she has a bunch more fun than we older sisters ever thought about having!
Well, actually we thought about it!
Happy Anniversary!
I believe in living life at your own pace.......when you are ready. Which is why I'll be raising kids till I'm nearly 60........later start and all that.
ReplyDeleteGreat post.
That's a sad one and also uplifting. Weird.
ReplyDeleteSolitude vs. Loneliness. That's food for thought.
ReplyDeletelife is that way--no molds or patterns, just doin' the best we can. Mr. J and I have been married 32 years! not all of it smooth, but it works for us.
ReplyDeletelove your thought provoking posts.
You always give food for thought. I don't mind solitude, I enjoy my own company. I've been alone and not loney and I've been married and terribly lonely.
ReplyDeleteIt has taken me what today seems like forever to get comfortable within myself. So now, divorced, alone (but not totally "alone" since my daughter, her husband, their children live with me), I am finally relatively content and accepting of what has offered in the past and still holds for me. It took me a long, long time though to grasp the concept that I didn't need to have a man by my side, be in any old kind of relationship -good, bad or indifferent -just to be in a relationship, ya know. Alcohol played a big role in my life for many years -from an alcoholic husband, no ex for the past 29 years -and today, I think what on earth did I see that was so great about always stopping for a couple of drinks? (Wish my son could grasp that concept but that's his problem, not mine and I have to walk away from not making it my problem too.) But anyway, for the first time in my life, I am probably as content as I will ever be -happy to not have to worry about a whole raft of junky things that really don't mean anything in the overall scheme of things. I do things now that I LIKE to do -whether it be reading, crafting, sleeping, cooking, participating in church groups/activities as I see fit. But it did take me a long time to reach this point -a lot of tears and aggravation along the way too, but it was worth it in the end.
ReplyDelete"He fit in well, so we decided to keep him"
ReplyDeleteLove it! :)
"Decided to keep him". Love it! Life has no "right way", ya know?
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post, and an interesting look at single life from two different perspectives.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting, thought provoking post. I never really thought about solitude vs. loneliness before. It's interesting about the different paths people's lives take - I think that what both you did and what your friend is doing takes a lot of bravery. I know that might seem like a strange thing to say, but it's true.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing such a personal insight!
ReplyDeleteWow, that was a very well thought out post with lots of food for thought. The kind of post that makes you go "hmmm." Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHappy SITS day! I've never been a single mom, but do worry sometimes about being in that place. I agree it's nice to have someone to share the day and night with. But I also LOVE being alone.... and sometimes think back to my single years, when I had my own apartment, as my glory days. :)
ReplyDeleteI love being married - I've been with my hubbie since I was almost 18. I just can't imagine being single - no thanks. We each have our own interests to keep our minds busy and shared interests that keep us talking. Not perfect - but lovely. Good post - got me being thankful!
ReplyDeleteStopping by from SITS today. You have a great blog! I never thought about it this way, but I did get married very young (21) and stayed married 13 years. I think you're right, my brain is so stuck in "married" mode, it's hard to just date.
ReplyDeleteL.O.V.E. you are beautifully written!!! excited to follow you from now on- yay to SITS for introducing such great blogs! carry on, friend, carry on :)
ReplyDelete